Here we go again.
It’s autumn in New York and parents are stressing about the same themes they do every year: “I have to find the right kindergarten, middle school, high school, or college for my child"—as if that choice will impact the child for the rest of their lives… and as if there is even a "right" choice to be made.
Articles like "There’s Still One Big Trick for Getting Into an Elite College," by a Stanford University junior, published in the New York Times on Oct. 1, are pure catnip for parents embarking on the college process, but they just perpetuate the false belief that there’s one path that leads to the perfect school and a happy life.
Eve and I on her first day of school this past September.
As I write this, I've recently solidified a plan for Eve to attend kindergarten at our local public school next fall, and I'll admit the decision has been a stressful one. I know it’s not a forever choice, and I recognize that there are so many more impactful decisions we’ll make along the way, but I understand more deeply now why parents so often look for confirmation as to whether they’ve selected the best high school option or ask if transferring just might lead to a more desirable college outcome.
I can’t predict how the rest of her educational trajectory will unfold, but it feels like the right thing for right now. I am all for planning for the future—it’s what LogicPrep is built on, after all—however, I truly believe that every few years you have to evaluate and see where your child is at that time… because our children have a way of changing and surprising us.
Yet, after 14 years guiding high school students and their families, I can state unequivocally that there is no 'golden path' for getting into the college of your choice. There are so many different paths to take and your child will change along the way.
So my advice for students?
Just be the best version of yourself—wherever you are.
I recently pulled a book off my bookshelf to give to a student who attends a highly competitive NYC public high school and was struggling with the trap of perfectionism. It’s called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by Carol Dweck, Ph.D., a pioneering psychologist in the field of motivation and achievement. In this illuminating book, Professor Dweck explains that intelligence and ability are not static but can be cultivated and developed, and the way to flourish is to adopt a growth mindset.
At LogicPrep, we help families approach the college process in a holistic and healthy way by encouraging a growth mindset. Our most successful students are the ones who follow whatever is interesting to them, and who are most invested in pursuing what they enjoy, not in what "looks good to colleges".
Understandably, though, I’m often asked by parents early in their child’s high school careers how they can make the best choices to set them up for success in the college process.
What you can do now as a parent:
Encourage curiosity and exploration. Help your child commit to academics (commit to anything, really!) and try new hobbies.
When we believe in our children’s capacity to learn and change and grow—if we instill that growth mindset in them—I truly believe that we are doing the very best thing we can, for college and beyond.
In the meantime, make campus visits a joyful experience; go see a sporting event, go to the theatre or visit local landmarks. Some of the best conversations you’ll ever have with your child will happen over dinner at a local hot spot, or during those long car rides.
The Goldilocks school—whether elementary or high school or college—is the one that feels just right for your child right now. Keep an open mind and enjoy the journey.